Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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