We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
