Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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