its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
