Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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