I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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