Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
