Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
