I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
