Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
