So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drake has all the answers
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
