Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I look better un-naked...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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