I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So squirting runs in the family.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
