Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
