I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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