I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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