playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
