I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
