this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
