Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
