you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
