2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
