John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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