just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
