I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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