You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
