He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
