i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
