so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
