i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
