Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
