We won't sleep together?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
