She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
