No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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