nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
