4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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