I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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