Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
