This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
