So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
