my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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