then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
