Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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