I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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