I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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