There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
