the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
