oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
