420 ftw
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
