Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
