Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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