wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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